This is a tale of a hopeless romantic or is it helpless ( doesn’t matter all romance is helplessly hopeless.)
She’s a women with great intelligence but like so many people have a overly romanticized idea of love. To get a better jest of her ideas on the topic at hand revealing her early experiences with traditional religion plays a large role in her fantasized realities & shows her inabilities to accept that human beings don’t behave in such likeness that she’d like to believe. So yet even escaping such opposing ideas to human nature, she continues to struggle with the residue its left behind. The self denial, lack of love, abandonment & fear, fear that without enough self sacrifice there will be too much self & to be consumed in oneself is to make said consumption against the laws of God & be seen as self worship. Its all really complex you know so understand her overthinking process.
I give up its hopeless trying to explain her concepts around love, a confused mess I am because me & her are one in the same.